The delay in healing has caused me a lot of trouble and mixture of thoughts and questions on God’s care, and his ambivalent provision. It has also exposed my faith when it felt short of getting what I asked for. On the other hand, the delay has given me lot of lessons. I have experienced significant changes within and without. Wonderful ideas and concepts have been developed. I have valued the importance of health and holistic development of self. Just as I have realized my negligence and abuse of health.
After the thanksgiving narrative, my thoughts turn into the issue of justice. I realized that the slow and painful process, including the long wait I have experienced are worth the abuses and negligence I have done to my body. Admittedly, I have abused my health, my body, deliberately or in deliberately, consciously or not. Hence, I could not demand for immediate recovery. Guilty, I felt I deserve the pain, the price to pay.
I have resolved to undergo the process and wait for natural recovery, while learn to value health. As I continue to pray for the full recovery sooner or later, the meaning of grace is becoming clearer to me. Should God hear my prayer and grant me the full recovery soon, it would mean grace. God’s grace that shortens the justice demands. I realized, this is no longer a question of my faith, for faith is not an unreasonable demand. It is an expectation of grace beyond justice.